You’re fat!
You need to try harder!
You’re pathetic!
You can’t wear that!
Don’t eat that!
Most of us would never talk to our best friend that way, and yet we give ourselves permission to berate ourselves daily! Numerous times in fact, during the course of one day! As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be:
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successful
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thin/fit
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beautiful
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the perfect wife/mom/girlfriend
We have to stop! Think of negative or self-trash talk in 2 ways.
1. What would my friend say if I told her what I was thinking about myself?
She would probably say “Please! Was it really that bad?” Also, talking to your friend helps to cut your shame and self loathing off at the knees. Nips it in the bud. Saying how you are feeling out loud helps to diffuse those feelings, so pick up the phone.
2. Would I talk to my friend the way I talk to myself?
If the answer is no, then don’t say it to yourself! Hopefully you wouldn’t call your friend a fat slob!
The next tip is to give your self-trash talk a name! That way it adds some levity to the situation. Uh-oh, here comes the Nag again! Or how about your Evil Twin! I like that one! Naming it helps us laugh at our neurosis a bit.
Another trick is to put a slightly different spin on your self-trash talk…..instead of saying “I’m so stupid!” Say instead “Boy did I feel stupid!” This makes it about HOW you feel not WHO you are! Big difference!
The other thing to beware of is putting a positive spin on things. We also put a ton of pressure on ourselves to be positive. Our internal lie detectors go off and scream Bullshit! Making us feel worse. So instead of trying to spin a situation to the upmost positive, instead try POSSIBLE THINKING. Here’s an example…instead of saying “I’m Fat!” Say to yourself, “I’d like to lose 5lbs and I know how to go about doing that” Not easy, but with practice we can do it!
Ok ladies! Let’s try to minimize the amount of times today that we engage in Self-Trash Talk! Baby steps!
Good luck!
Heather